Crazy doesn’t begin to describe it…

Sometimes I think I blog to avoid any means of REAL productivity work-wise.  Hmm — nope I’m pretty sure that’s the case.  Across from my beat up old laptop lay a mountain of published papers to be read, analyzed and stored away mentally for brilliant thought provoking interchanges in class.  Some days I adore the intellectual stimulation and some days I quite literally feel as if I’m just barely holding on.  In fact, the other day while sitting in class, a fellow classmate leaned over and whispered to me, “did you read?  I have to admit I focused so much on our upcoming projects I simply read the titles for these journal articles.”  My mind raced as I mentally shouted, “I KNOW!  ME TOO! WHEEEE!  Yea, so I’m not the only dumb arse here.”  But I politely responded, “meh, I read hopefully its an easy night.”  Secretly, I wanted to pat him on the back and say, “welcome to my world friend”.
I do tip my imaginary hat to those academic braniacs who seemingly balance that careful line of academia while still maintaining a sense of actual normalcy and human persona.  How do you do it?  How?! Because quite frankly — I do need to be led into this tiny secret society.  Times like these I think (for the millionith time) why I chose a profession/career that required (amongst the basic of things) a detailed grasp on the study and analysis of proteins/peptides.  To be able to take a compound/subject/sample and to determine its amino acid composition, molecular weight, peptide mapping, etc etc etc.  Argh!  Now this thing is slowly seeping into my PERSONAL BLOG.  My HOME! My place of venue to vent and express how strangely bizarre it is to have an entire apartment vacant of clutter yet still maintain an untouchable corner of chaos — riddled with unopened mail/used tissues/stacks of half read books.  To the unadulterated eye it visually brings imagery of slight madness, obvious clammer, and a complete sense of disarray in a sea of order.  This table is symbolic and a physical sample of my mind.
Sort of like this.
Yes, its times like these that I think I wish I could rewind 10+ years and rework the following majors  or minors (computer science, creative writing, art/design, foreign language)  into what was already a packed academic schedule.  Perhaps I’d be living and writing about a different life. 


  1. If you figure out the secret… please let me know. I've never been permitted to enter the tiny, secret society either. Well…in all honesty… I'm not sure if I've given up trying


    PS- Do you like Boston? I live in NY and I frequently think about relocating (San Francisco is my first choice, but I'm pretty delusional).

  2. emily
    17. Oct. 10

    I think I'm the only one of my obnoxiously verbose and academic friends who run with the crowd but secretly have been "faking it". Story of my life.

    Boston is great. I was born in NYC so I see both cities from two different perspectives. I feel Boston is definitely a more manageable city compared to NYC. Its big with a charming neighborhood feel. I've been to SF and have also dabbled in the idea of making a relocation change there — albeit I cringe at the exorbitant cost of living. But for now its lobster, baked beans, cream pies, and intellects/drinkers.

  3. Thanks Emily! Like I said, I'm delusional. I visited Boston a few times. I really liked it, however, I have a strange (and entirely awkward) obsession with the New Kids on the Block. Therefore, most of my trips were somewhat colored.

    As the daughter of a gambler (for better or worse), I sort of live by the motto "go big … or go home." Hence… if I do decide to make a move – it will be across country. Then again, as you mention, realistically, financially and practically speaking, SF is not a feasible option.

    Therefore, I guess I'm here (in NY).

  4. emily
    17. Oct. 10

    Ha! NKOTB? You stalked their homes here — didn't you?

    Moving is a complete beeech — so I sympathize. Whenever I think about moving again — I do a once over at all the crap I have in my apt and then the feeling passes as I slump back down into my couch.

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    20. Oct. 10

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